"Pride" – Psalm 10

“In the pride of their countenance…” (v.4a)

I’ve always been a huge advocate of context and rightly so. But in this case, I’m going to excuse that rule and focus on one word in this Psalm – the word “pride”. It dominates the first portion of the Psalm in the sense that it is the reason the wicked treat the poor/helpless the way they do, that’s for certain. But more than that, it’s a word that leaps off the page at me!

“Pride” is a pretty good starting point when it comes to turning this whole thing around. It’s a hard pill to swallow, probably one that most folks who would ever read this wouldn’t have to deal with, but it’s one that I struggle with regularly. It’s a trap that is easy to fall in to and even harder to release yourself from. An almost insurmountable wall.

Perhaps I’d be best served if I simply asked God to tear that wall down!

Oct 16, 1969 Psalm 9

October 16, 1969 That was the day I gave my life to Christ. I have never denied that nor have I ever questioned that. Yes, there are times when I ask myself how someone could do or think the things I do or have done, think or have thought, and still call myself a Christian….but then I suppose I’m not alone in that arena. But I have never denied the decision I made that evening in a living room in Pasco, WA during a Campus Crusade for Christ meeting among a dozen or so other college students.

That was the day I came to “know” God’s name. I came to “trust” Him, to “seek” Him. That was the day my life was turned right side up! Am I doing that today, I guess if you mean today then I suppose you could say yes. If you mean recently then definitely not. But like the “Hound of Heaven” I have never been able to escape that one fateful day on October 16, 1969! I always have to deal with that!

It would be easy if I could dismiss it as a hoax. Write it off as a drunken stupor. Erase it as though it were a figment of my imagination. Blot it out the same way I would a bad dream. But I can’t. I was there!!! I know what happened!!! I may not be living a life that is glorifying to him, but you could put a gun to my head and I would never deny that day! Never!

So that’s my conundrum….

And those who know your name

put their trust in you,

for you, O LORD, have not

forsaken those who seek you (v.10)

I know his name! But I’ll be candid, I am afraid to trust him, consequently it makes it hard to seek him. There I said it.

Father Spirit, if you’re reading this, I don’t mean to be offensive. Just trying to be honest. As you know I’ve not done real well at trusting you in the past. In fact, I’ve been pretty quick to bail out at the first sign of real trouble. Not much staying power. But I think I’m learning to do things differently. I’m not sure what that means yet, but at least it’s a start. What do you think?

Oh my….why can’t I just let this be?

Who Am I? Psalm 8 Romans 10:3-4

Well, this was a real wake up call.

Over the past several years, during this little hiatus, my loving wife has tried on more than one occasion to try and offer suggestions to get me back on track. Each time I’ve tried to politely tell her to butt out. I really wasn’t open to it.

Now this morning I find on my desk a note from her with the Romans passage and the thought that maybe, just maybe I think my sins are different or worse than other peoples sins and my way of dealing with it is different than other peoples. When all along, there is no difference, sin is sin and God deals with it all in the same manner – through the Cross.

Uhm….my first reaction (sorry honey) was to say to myself, “why doesn’t she just stay out of it”.
Then I began to think about what she said. Maybe she is right. Maybe I do think that for some reason, that my “situation” is somehow different or unique and has a category all it’s own in God’s framework of redemption. How bold is that?! How cocky can one man be?!

The Psalmist said “what is man that you are mindful of him”…. perhaps if he read my thoughts he might say, “who the hell are you to think that you are that unique?”

When Paul talks about those folks “clinging to their own way of getting right with God” that is something that resonates with me. Now, how I bounce that up against that concept of apostasy I’m not sure. To me, that’s the issue. At least I think it is.

Oh my….

What’s The Potential? Psalm 7

Psalm 7:9b “…for you look deep within the mind and heart, O righteous God”. NLT Or as the NRSV puts it “….you who test the minds and hearts…”

Recently Alice and I have gone to a couple of Classic Car shows in our area. At each show there have been a few cars for sale. Some unrestored; some partially restored; some fully restored. If you stand back and watch the people who may be interested “buyers” in the first two categories, you can see the wheels turning. It’s like they are looking deep within the metal framework of the car “seeing” what it would look like after they had invested their hours of love bringing it back to life!

When I read these words of the psalmist, I wondered if God was looking deep within my mind and heart and seeing what it would look like? What did he see?

Does he “see” deeper than I “feel”?

Does God “see” deeper than I “see”?

Can this mind and heart be salvaged – or is it good only for the scrap yard?

I know what goes on inside my mind and sometimes it repulses me. I know what my heart really feels at times and sometimes it makes me sick. If God sees all of that, what possible interest could he have in me? Or put another way, knowing all of that is there, why should I bring shame to the Kingdom by bringing that to the table?

The psalmist was worried about his enemies – heck, not to worry there, I’m my own worst enemy!

How It All Began – Part II

Trying to fill in everything that has gone on in between those years would seem almost insurmountable. And for most any one who would stumble across this and choose to read it, rather boring. So let’s just say – there was an ebb and flow in my life that never proved consistent, nor fulfilling. I had basically come to this conclusion:

God/Jesus said….IF you keep following me then you are my disciples. IF you don’t, then you are not.

Now granted that’s rather a simplistic version, but the conditional aspect of the gospel is something that most people chose to ignore. The proposition that apostasy is a biblical truth and a distinct possibility is also something that makes people really uncomfortable. All that aside, where I found myself is basically in a position of walking away from my commitment to Christ. Reason – couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t want to, pay the cost any longer.

What I am learning as I get older is this. My house was basically built on the sand and it didn’t take much to bring it down. Each time I attempted to rebuild, for whatever reason, I chose to build in the “same location”, with the same results. Consequently, I became angry, bitter, resentful, and very depressed.

Each time I enter a church or find myself confronted with a meaningful presentation of God’s love, I must confront all of this and it’s uncomfortable. It hurts my heart every time. So most of the time, I choose not to put myself in those situations. That’s one of the reasons why I’m doing this blog. It’s a way for me to deal with all of this in an environment that seems “safe” – probably isn’t in all reality, but it seems like it to me.

Well, I don’t know if any of this makes any sense. Not sure it really matters, no offense. It really doesn’t have to. It’s just the way it is.