“I am afraid to trust him, consequently it makes it hard to seek him.”
In June, when I started my pilgrimage toward spiritual renewal, those were my words. That was my greatest difficulty. That is what caused me to waiver and step off the path. Where am I today? That’s a good question.
If I were to summarize the past five and half months, I would put it in these terms. Cautiously optimistic. Not so much about my faith per se, but about how I flesh that out. I am more analytical than I was in my former days. I am more cautious and quick to question what I see, hear, and read. However, in all of that I am still moving forward.
Examining things is not a bad thing. I think someone should know why the believe what they believe and understand its foundation. Some of the most profitable times during these past few months have been sitting and talking with my wife about some of the basic issues of “the faith”. There is also my friend Jon who has been a great example and encourager. Since I see him and talk to him often, or can call him with thoughts or ideas, he has been a valuable “resource”.
There have been others in my circle; Jerry, Todd, CW, Nurmi, all of which have been praying for me and encouraging me with phone calls and e-mails.
Bottom line, I am still walking and talking. I am still growing. Part of me wants to run to the deep end, climb up the high board and plunge in. The other part of me – the stable part – says, “Take your time and do things right.”
What God has in store, I do not know. How I fit into His long-term universal plan is yet to be seen.
So right now I will continue doing what I am doing watching for the time to push it to the next level.
Thanks to all who have participated directly or indirectly in this process. Whether it’s reading this blog and commenting, or just being there when it has been necessary. I thank you!
Happy New Year!!!
