Bi-Polar

It’s not the first time a counselor or therapist has indicated that I may be suffering from bi-polar disorder. So I suspect I was not surprised to hear it from this particular therapist. As with any disease, physical or mental, there are variations and in my case, at least at this juncture of my life, the symptoms are not as severe as they have been in past years. For that I am thankful. However, I still wrestle with its hamstringing effects.

As I had indicated in a previous post, I was planning on chronicling some of my sessions related to EMDR. However, in my most recent session, we did not get that far. Partly because a significant aspect of that therapy is recalling or stimulating emotion with particular events in the past. Something that I have not either been willing or able to do. So we moved on with a more traditional approach and that’s when we started talking about the symptoms for and actions related to bi-polar. Again, this was not a new “diagnosis” for me. But one that has come and gone based on the particular therapist I was seeing at the time. That, at least in my mind, is an indication that perhaps my symptoms are not as severe as some my experience. Then again, that is like saying my heart attack was mild compared to others – but it was still a heart attack!

Over the years I have known many Christians who are bi-polar, especially in how they live their faith. One day they may be “on fire for the Lord”, the next day they are cold and indifferent. That does not mean they are not Christian, it simply means they have not achieved balance – if indeed that is achievable. I am the same way, not only regarding my faith, but my inner being as well. Do I yearn for balance? Do I wish I could find stabilization? Would I prefer that things be more status-quo than up and down, in and out?  Of course I do. I envy those who seem to have balance, who experience a consistent and “normal” walk with the Lord and with life. But for some of us, it is not happening and in some respects not always possible.

When we look at the “heroes of faith” whether in Hebrews 11 or throughout the NT, it seems that everyone struggles at some level. Often at many levels. Unfortunately, many people don’t like to talk about their weakness for fear of being seen as inferior or less than spiritual. The fact of the matter is, does anyone really know true spirituality? If one is growing and learning, is there not a sense that we all are in transition to some degree? Are there people at there who have complete serenity, contentment or peace of mind? Perhaps…but then again are they being honest with their assessment?

I don’t expect that I’ll ever really be  normal. Does that mean if I prayed more, read more scripture, or attended more church services that I would be able to conquer my handicap? I don’t think so. My hope is to be stable. To have a life that is able to manage the ups and downs that have, in the past, completely handicapped me. If I can do that, I can win.

Father Spirit, you made me, you fashioned me this way. My choice is not to ignore who I am, but to embrace my ability to deal with it through your strength and grace.

The Difference is Critical

I suspect most of us have seen a sporting event where a split second made the difference between winning and losing. It’s never pretty, especially if your team or person is on the losing end, but it’s what makes sports interesting.

In language, it is  amazing how often one little word can make a significant difference in meaning. Take the simply prepositions “to” and “by”. One the surface, small and seemingly insignificant. However, when used in context they can make a dramatic difference in  how one sees or interprets a particular statement.This is the case in Matthew 5:21, where Jesus talks about anger and introduces his comment with this statement…”You have heard that it was said (to or by) those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment (ESV).’”

A majority of translations (NIV, NRSV, ESV and others) translate the preposition as “to.” Others such as the KJV use “by”. As always, context can be a factor in ones choice and in this case it seems that “by” is the better translation.  Here’s the explanation used in Baker’s New Testament Commentary:

Reasons for rejecting the first interpretation (“to”) and accepting the second (“by”):
a. It would be very strange that Jesus, having just affirmed in most emphatic terms that he had not come to set aside the law or the prophets, would now suddenly turn around and do this very thing.
b. Had Jesus been referring to what Moses in the law had commanded he would have used different language; for example, “Moses commanded” (Mat_8:4), or “It is written” (Mat_4:4, Mat_4:7, Mat_4:10; Luk_2:23; Luk_4:4).
c. In later Jewish writings such famous rabbanim as Hillel and Shammai were called “fathers of antiquity.” The designation “the men of long ago” is accordingly an excellent designation for those who had orally interpreted the written Old Testament.
d. The expression “it was said,” though possible even as a reference to something written, is more readily associated with oral teaching and tradition than with that which had been put down in a document.
e. It is clear that when Jesus says, “You have heard … but I say” (Mat_5:22, Mat_5:28, Mat_5:32, Mat_5:34, Mat_5:39, Mat_5:44) he is drawing a contrast between two positions that are sharply opposed. This contrast is clearer when the two opposing clauses are “It was said by the men … but I say,” meaning “They said … but I say,” than it would be if they were, “It was said to the men … but I say,” meaning, “They heard … but I say.” (BNTC on-line commentary via E-Sword)

This explanation and interpretation seems more than plausible when one looks at the context especially, as pointed out, the previous verses 17-20. Looking at this and the following teachings of Jesus regarding some of the other “ten words”, the contrast of what was said “by” and what Christ now says becomes crystallized. But more important than that is the difference Christ stresses. He aims at the heart, “those of old” continue to stress the letter of the law.

It is often easy for me to justify my own behavior based on the letter of the law. My goodness, attorneys do it all the time with guilty clients. However, if I looked at my heart, my intentions, my motivations, I can clearly see that I am not in compliance with God’s demands. I can say that, as an adult, I have never hurt or attempted to kill anyone. However, when examining the intentions of my heart, that is an entirely different matter. Many times anger has poisoned my intent. Diminishing another person by words and accusations has handicapped my ability to approach God’s throne of grace with purity of heart. Belittling another to the point of beating them down and crushing their spirit is akin to taking their life and stripping them of the dignity due every child of God. And there is no legitimate way of justifying any of it – at least I don’t think so.

The difference between “I did not do that” and “I did not think that” is a chasm that can keep me from God’s presence and put me in a place were there is no release (v.26). My heart will never be pure as long as it harbors demeaning words and attitudes. An awareness that not only causes me to wonder, it causes me to clearly see  how little progress I’ve made in my pilgrimage.

Father Spirit, let me find the strength of your Holy Spirit in conquering the issues of my heart. Let me seek purity of thought and sensitivity in speech, that you might be glorified.

To Whom It May Concern…

When writing to someone we don’t know, at least we don’t know their name, it is not uncommon to use “To Whom It May Concern”. Addressing a cover letter, resume, or inquiry in this manner, the hope is it will be general enough in address to reach the right person’s desk. However, I suspect that often it ends up on no desk at all.

Was the Sermon on the Mount addressed “To Whom It May Concern,” or a direct group of people. The text, both in Matthew and Luke, seem to suggest that this block of life-changing teaching was directed at the disciples of Christ. Yet, in both accounts, a large multitude is present and certainly within earshot of the lesson. Now, whether the “sermon” was given in the blocks we see them recorded is not for discussion here, although an interesting pursuit. What nags at me is who was the primary recipient of the teaching.

Throughout the lesson we see, “Blessed are…” and “You are…”  each with its own weighty matter attached. If addressed to the disciples who, according to Matthew’s account, have just recently been called into service, one might think you would hear Jesus saying, “You will be blessed” and “you will be salt and light,”  However the teaching is not cast in the future tense, as on might expect being addressed to newly called recruits, but in the present tense. Perhaps there is some significance to this.

The pivotal point of the sermon comes – at least in my mind – is verses 17-20 in Matthew. “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them .” This entire pericope is pregnant with meaning and gives a certain clue as to who should be hearing this sermon. As N.T. Wright notes, the sermon “is a challenge to Israel to be Israel (N.T. Wright, Jesus, 288).” Therefore, the content of this teaching segment is one that calls Israel, the chosen of God, back to their rightful place and to a character or behavior that is reflective of God’s original intent for them as his people. It seems the only way to make sense of these verses without hinting that Jesus is re-writing the Law in some fashion. He is not re-writing rather he is letting the words of the Law leap from the scroll and become fleshed out in right living for those who are of the kingdom of heaven.

There is little doubt if one captures the flavor of the gospels that there is a tension between what the hearers of Jesus’ message thought and what Jesus intended when it came to the kingdom. Many, including his intimate followers, thought the kingdom would be physical and grounded on terra’s plane. But that was not the case. Jesus was teaching to equip citizens of the heavenly kingdom. Occupiers of a different sphere. People who would express the character needed to be heavenly citizens in and around their own community. Doers not just hearers of God’s eternal Law and prophetic message. People who would be seen in a different light because they were light!

I may not be fully cognisant of what the Law is, but I can be fully exposed to what the Lord’s application of the Law is. I may not be immersed in the message of the prophets, but I can be bathed in transforming power of “Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” I may not find my obligations appealing at every level, but I can seek God’s grace to apply them on every level. I can stand in astonishment, as the original hearers did, and recognize that the Christ I follow is one who teaches with authority because all authority has been given to him (Matt. 28:18).

To whom it may concern? It concerns me!

A Couple of Thoughts: Bible “Views” and Character

It’s been a great holiday for us and I hope all of you.

Occasionally, there are some things that cause me to wonder. Wonder what could have been the intent or wondering what the expectations are for certain situations.

This past Sunday, our Pastor was describing an upcoming Sunday School class and describe it as an opportunity to study the Bible from a Baptist view. Now I’m not certain I recall whether he said “from” or “with”, but what struck me was this thought; “Why not just study key doctrines outlined in the Bible and let the Bible present its own view?” After all, most denominations have a means of interpreting Scripture to fit their preconceived beliefs. But wouldn’t it be better if we simply let the Bible speak for itself?

Secondly, the morning message was a challenge to be “complete” in Christ, or “perfect” as Jesus presented it in the Sermon on the Mount. Paul was the model as outlined in Philippians 3:12-17. The emphasis was basically this, if Paul found himself wanting or falling short when it came to fullness in Christ, then how could we ever hope to find ourselves in a better position than Paul.

My question, as I’ve previously entertained is this, what does it mean to be perfect or complete in Christ?  Does it mean I bear the fruit of the Spirit? Does it mean I fulfill the instructions as outlined by Christ in the Sermon?  Is reading the Bible everyday a way to gain a leg up? If I pray often and correctly does that count?  If I witness or win others to Christ does that add to my account?  Is it all of those?

Personally, I struggle with my own pilgrimage and what it means to be a faithful follower and learner of Christ. Too often I find myself bouncing my faith up against that of others or others expectations. “If I do what they do, will that help me feel more spiritual – more intimate with Christ?”  If I don’t do certain things and do do other certain things does that enhance my standing with Christ?  Is God pleased with certain prayers, certain behaviors, certain beliefs?

Jesus said, as a part of his Sermon on the Mount, “…Unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees you will never enter the kingdom of heaven (Matt. 5:20 ESV).” That in itself lends to a certain understanding of what Christ expected of his learner/followers.  They were to go above and beyond that behavior and belief as expressed by the current religious leaders. They were called to be doers and not simply hearers of the words and teachings of the Christ and the Law. That’s a huge challenge. It is a stretch to believe we could even comprehend that type of living, let alone live in that circle. However, the crux of it all centered on an understanding of God’s word. Not his incarnate word, although that is part of it, but the Law and the Prophets.

Now, having said all that, it seems to me that if we invest ourselves in three disicplines: learning the Law, the Prophets and being deligent students of the life of Christ, we can go a long way toward being the kind of “follower” that not only honors Christ, but can come tantalizingly close to complete or perfect in our Christian character. Of course, the danger for us, just as that of Israel, is becoming more intent on the structure rather than the heart, the form rather than the function.

Father, let me see with a clear vision the life you have intended, hear with clarity, and keep an open heart and mind to all that I have been called to in Christ.

A Christmas Thought

First, let me say Merry Christmas to whoever may be stopping by!

Second, if you would, ponder what this season and Christmas day mean for you. We’ve all seen a variety of expressions regarding Christmas day, from the focus on the birth of Christ, to the “season of giving”, to the busiest retail shopping period of the year. Many times we think of Christmas related to family – you, like many, may read the Christmas story as a family before opening gifts. You may have a tradition of attending a Christmas Eve church service before sharing a family meal. Or you may spend the time in quiet reflection or even volunteering to organizations that serve those less fortunate in life. However you spend today, or Christmas day itself, does it reflect a means of bringing peace to your heart or that of others? Is what you do and how you do it a reflection of the love of Christ, or a means of helping you feel better about yourself?

We don’t have a specific tradition in our home. Often, either before or after opening our gifts, we lament that fact that we are fairly self-centered and should have used our time to help others, not just our funds. But once the time is past, so is that feeling and we move on again toward another year. If we’re fortunate to have time with family, it’s often a time of laughter, lots of food, and an intense focus on the children.  Yet, that too, is rather short lived.

The coming of Christ, is truly a remarkable event. It is not just the birth of a savior that we celebrate, it is the birth of a new way of being, a new way loving, a new way of interacting with others at every level. This year, as I think of this time, I am amazed at how relevant the birth of Christ was to humanity as a whole. Not only did he bring a new way of relating to God, he brought a new way of living out that relationship. He forced us to look at who we were in the created order and just how much and how far God was willing to go to redeem his not so righteous creation.  The birth of Christ is not just savior oriented, but serving oriented. It was not just a moment in time for the greatest man who ever lived, it was an eternal moment when man could achieve his own “greatness”  as it was intended to be. A time to reflect on all that God is and all that God offers.

I may not have gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. But I do have a life that allows me to flesh out the significance of the babe who came. Now the question is – will I fulfill that with faithfulness?