I wonder

I am 56 years old. I have been a Christian for thirty eighty years. But in many ways I feel like I am starting over minus —

My life in Christ is longer than my years before Christ. In fact twice as long. One would think the depth of the river would be substantial but in many ways you can wade across much of it, mostly because it seems to be missing the —-

It should be embarrassing to confess this but it’s substantially my own doing, or undoing. And some of the shallowness is not that I forgot, so much as I cannot remember, and there is a difference. But what truly concerns me is the significant missing factor —

You don’t just go out and get “it”. They don’t manufacture it or put it in books or sell it on CD or DVD. You cannot borrow it from someone else or get a loan somewhere. I’m not even sure it’s something that can be replicated or re-experienced.

It’s the wonder – the pure wonder that comes with knowing Christ, with being in His presence, sensing his love, feeling the fire in your heart and the passion in your spirit.  It was there once…I remember it. There are times, songs, certain words, or passages of Scripture that trigger those “feelings” and that sense of wonder. But it all seems so short-lived.  Maybe that comes with age, or maturity, or some such thing. If so, I don’t like it. I much prefer the wonder of it all! I miss it!

I wonder if the “wonder” will wander back to stay?

“On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.”   Psalm 145:5

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