I was getting ready to write my post and ran across a blog and thought….”My goodness, I certainly hope my posts do not perpetuate the kind of ignorance this one does.” It’s not that the people who post them are ignorant, although they may be, it is that the content is so illogical and unfounded and readers seem to comment with no sense of reality, that the conclusion can only be ignorance.
There is no doubt I write some pretty off-the-wall things. The difference is, I attempt to have some support for my thoughts and conclusions, at least most of the time. That post however, does none of that except state an “experts” opinion and then there is the wallowing in support from reader’s comments. It is no wonder there is confusion and potential anarchy in our society. Every one seems to be doing what is right in their own eyes without any thought beyond the proverbial nose on their face.
Here is the post I am referring to.
Now I refrained from making any comment on the blog simply because it would be an exercise in futility, first and a waste of logic second. If being married twice makes one an expert on marriage relationships, than I must be an expert beyond expert. However that is not the case. If having two people “unequally yoked”, un-knowledgeable of scripture, and content to live in their own perception of reality, is what a good marriage is about then how valuable a relationship is that really? It’s not that I am judging, although it sounds like I am, it is simply that my experience, observation, reading and times when I was counseling others, tells me this kind of relationship is seldom whole and fulfilling – to either person in the relationship. It might appear so superficially, but once you peal away the layers, there is little substance.
There is also this issue, if one is an atheist and one is a Christian, neither can hold very strongly to their belief system. They simple choose to co-exist and acquiesce to one anothers labels. Which, I might add, is better than some Christian marriages manage.
It has become my understanding that marriage is hard work. It takes a daily commitment to one another and a willingness to submit from time to time – on both the husband’s part and the wife’s. There is no magic bullet when it comes to a successful marriage and certainly longevity is no testimony to a meaningful and fulfilling marriage. Over the years, my wife and I have known folks who seem to simply share the same house with little respect for each other and we have known folks who are hopelessly devoted to one another. We have known folks who give thanks for a meal and before the “amen” is out of their mouth, the bickering starts. We have known folks who season their conversations with mutual love and a yielding to one another. We have known those who attend church with a since of piety beyond measure, then come home and treat their children with disrespect and abusive language. We have known couples who give their children a sense of honor and dignity that allows them a place in the family and an opportunity to emerge as their own person.
I am sure there are people who know or have known us and have their own evaluation of our relationship. Which is fine. My wife and I evaluate it ourselves on a fairly regular basis. It is not perfect, but it is fairly whole. It is not ideal, but it is ideologically motivated. It is not complete, but we are building daily through the little things. We have been on the same page theologically and we have been miles apart. We can discuss scripture and she’ll let me bloviate, than add her thought thru and prayed-over understanding. Then, if we’re lucky, we determine whether we can reach a fair conclusion or agree to disagree. Like many couples money is an issue. Not so much the lack of it, although we have been-there-done-that, rather the distribution of it. We examine things closely, which goes against my nature that says, “If we have it, let’s spend it!” Yet, we have learned to live and adjust to each others tendencies and find compromise. We are truly a work in progress. And it’s not always fun.
I don’t suppose there is a perfect marriage out there, although I’m sure you have heard people say, or perhaps you have said, “They have a perfect marriage” when observing someone elses relationship. Often our point of reference for that perfection is our own relationship/marriage. Which may be a clue for what needs to be worked on next.
I have an urge to talk about the biblical concept of marriage, but I will refrain. Doing so my expose my own perpetuation of ignorance. Let me simply say, my observation has been, a healthy marriage is not measured by how wide the relationship is, rather how deep. It is not a matter of infatuation or eroticism. Marriage is two people working diligently to live in harmony with one another, to love one another, to respect one another, and to honor God. Oh yes, did I mention ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN! 🙂